I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
