I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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