so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
