My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
