I want to have your abortion
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize