I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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