So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
