It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
