sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
