omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
