I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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