someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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