Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
