I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize