This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
