vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize