You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
And my parents said I crawled through the house
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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