man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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