i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
