I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
