Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize