dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
