Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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