I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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