My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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