I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
