Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
