I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
