I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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