the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
