The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
