made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
