If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The Olympian is in my bed
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