therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
