But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
