Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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