I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
