I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
