Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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