Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
