Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
