The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize