think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
