That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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