i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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