i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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