Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize