God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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