Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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