Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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