Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
