ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dignity is for republicans.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
