New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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