Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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