I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
