I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
