i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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