me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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