4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
are you so shy because you have an std?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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