If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
