I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
