I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
