ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize