my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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