drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
