I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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