i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
