He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
