Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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